OXFORD ANECDOTES

OXFORD ANECDOTES, BY EL SIDI CAMPEADOR

It was a Friday night, I came straight from my job and I remember perfectly clear that I was off the next saturday, which is a great pleasure after a long week of working.

I wore really dirty clothes that day:
black trousers, full of dirty food from my job, a pair of sports shoes and a black Manowar t-shirt.

As I was walking down the street, I saw Rebeca, “la reina”, as my friends called her, I don’t know why yet.

Rebeca was a short Spanish girl from Barcelona who spent the day flirting with as many guys as she wanted, and all of them were nuts about her.

I remember her pretty, but not to the point of go bananas for her, but anyway she was a good friend and it was the first year I was living in Oxford.

We were five Spanish people living all together in a small house near Cowley Road, in Randolph Street, and she used to come very often to see us.

That day it was one of our house mates’ birthday, and we were going to prepare a surprise party for him.

As I found Rebeca in the street, we talked for a while and go out for a walk. She was dressed like a really posh princess, and so everybody looked at her in the street.

As we were walking downtown near Turf Tavern, we found an alley which seemed to be closed, but it was not, so we decide to cross it. At the end, there laid a college, which was closed to visitors, but whose door was open with a post that said:
Today big party for the teachers and students of this college only.

She grabbed my hand and told me: let’s go there! And so we did.

It’s a very well known fact that English people obey rules and have a very cold mind as to break those rules so they wouldn’t do anything that is forbidden.

But of course we were Spanish, and we were dying for a big laugh, and we had to kill a bit of time before to go to surprise my mate.

So we broke into the party at the college.

Once inside, nobody watched us coming in and we looked for the big campus were the party actually was.

The party was outdoors, but there was a big wall all around it and the main door were the students and teachers and families of them went through, was safely controlled by a guardian.

As soon as we went close to him, he looked at us surprised. I can only guess that a girl looking amazingly posh with a guy looking like a punk breaking into a private party was a bit unusual for them so see.

Of course he requested us to leave the place at once, but we decided not to lose the battle that easily.

We surrounded the wall to the other extreme were there was a secret entrance, and we skip among the people down there.

Once we were inside, we were amazed by it. It must be the poshest party I’ve seen in my entire life. Lots of people very well dressed were all around having expensive drinks and good food. Some came with the families.

After a while, I guess everybody knew immediately that we didn’t belong there, but with the usual English courtesy, nobody said a word to us. The waiters fought for serving us and we lied on the floor for a while drinking champagne and eating properly.

We went all around the place and after a while we discovered the place were they kept the cutlery and the expensive glasses.

As Rebeca was a woman, and like all women she had a purse with her, she opened it, and without saying a word, made me understand that she wanted me to place the glasses within the purse.

Ja ja ja I remember we were very drunk already, and we had to finally leave that gaff to go to my mate’s surprise party, when she told me she was too drunk to even walk.

I told her: Well, I can barely walk myself, so I can’t help you, mate.

Finally she was definitely worse than I was and I took the purse to get out of there.

Ja ja ja I remember as I was walking out of there, I was falling down on alternated steps, and anytime I was falling, the glasses sounded a lot, but nobody watched us taking them out, so finally we used them for my mate’s birthday party.


I remember with another three mates really drunk smoking a joint within Copa bar in town. There was a fake plant on a corner and my mates were taking the piss at it doing as if they were going to piss on it or fall over it.

When we left the place, there were lots of rubbish bags aside in the street from the shops and pubs as it was very late and most pubs were already closed.

My mate jumped like Superman over them and immediately my other mate went after him.

We carried on walking and very close on the other side there were some policemen charging somebody really drunk, but for some reason they didn’t say anything to us.
We were finally in Cornmarket Street, and there were loads of rubbish bags all around the way, of course we jumped them all.

When we were in the middle of the street, passed HMV, there was a place with about 20 or 30 bags outside.

We spent about half an hour jumping over them in the craziest ways you could only imagine. I don’t remember many things as funny as that day.

Just before we went home, I said to my mates: hang on , I’m going to prepared them in the best way possible.

I put them all in a long row of three bags by ten or something like that and we carried on jumping like pigs.

After a while, a police van stopped. One of us thought oh shit now we’re fucked. The policewoman went down and said what the hell are you doing, are you stupid or something? There are cameras all around the street, and the policemen down Abingdon police station don’t know if to laugh or cry. JA ja jaj. She said why are you messing all the bags all round the street?

Funny thing was I kept them all perfectly aligned in a perfect row just before the policewoman came, so I told her I was putting them in a proper way, she couldn’t say anything to me.

She said: Yeah, right. And why aren’t you wearing your coat, which lies on a side of ‘em?

Finally she let us go home and told us not to do it again. Ja ja ja police in England is funny. We told her that we were doing the winter games. Ja ja jaj. I asked her at the end who did it better from us three. Ja jaja ajja ja


One day two mates and I were in St Giles Street and the pubs were all closing, we wanted to drink something else before to go to a mate’s party in Cowley Road, but every pub was closed.

A mate finally said: let’s go to the Randolph hotel.

We didn’t even think about it. We follow each other inside.

I played there a couple of times in the past with a salsa band, so I knew the place had a piano somewhere.

They are gonna chuck us out of here as soon as they discover us, man. We thought.

But there was nobody on reception, and we carried on inside. There lied the main hall, which was full of posh people talking and there lied the piano.

Immediately I went and played the piano with my mates. It was so funny, of course I know how to play piano very well, and any time the waiter passed, thought I was a customer playing there and even offered us drinks and that.

PARA JESUS CARLOS Y AITORTXU.